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How to offer and receive feedback

(Date published: 04 January 2002)

Phil Yates
Customised Training Solutions Ltd.

Everything we do as an individual has an impact on other people. Our own behaviour stimulates a variety of emotions in others, from excitement and happiness to anger and frustration. Some of us are more aware than others of how our actions affect the thoughts and feelings of those around us. However, whatever the state of our self-awareness, we all benefit enormously from receiving feedback. We also simultaneously help ourselves and grow as professionals when we consciously offer feedback to help others. Effective communicators must be able to offer and to receive feedback.

Offering feedback is analogous to holding up a mirror. Feedback helps individuals to see themselves as others see them. It is not telling people what is wrong with them nor telling them how they should change. Feedback is about offering your perceptions and feelings in a non-judgmental manner to another person. Feedback is important because past behaviour is a reliable indicator of future behaviour and unless something intervenes to alter our perspective, we will not change.

Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed the Johari window model to depict the relationship between what we know about ourselves and the things other people know.

	Things I know	Things I don’t know
Things they know	ARENA	BLIND SPOT
Things they don’t know	PRIVATE	UNKNOWN

The arena contains information that we know about ourselves and which others are also plainly aware of. Free and open exchange of information occurs and this window increases in size as we become more self-aware through receiving feedback from others. Disclosure of your feelings and opinions (when appropriate) can therefore help others to increase the size of their arena.

The blind spot represents information known by others but of which we are unaware. We may have habits or mannerisms that others notice and which surprise us, for example when we see ourselves on video. Asking others for feedback will help to reduce the size of this window.

We all have a private area containing information we choose not to disclose for reasons known only to ourselves and the unknown area contains the things that are below the surface of awareness to both ourselves and to others. In here for example, may reside our unrealised potential; to know ourself completely is extremely unlikely.

The Johari window illustrates very clearly, the benefits of both offering and receiving feedback, and note that I use the term ‘offering’ rather than giving feedback. Whether people accept and act upon your feedback is up to them, it is their choice. The way in which you offer that feedback however may well influence what they decide to do with it.

Feedback in simple terms may be regarded as motivational or developmental. Motivational feedback lets the other person know what you liked whereas developmental feedback leads to a consideration of what could be done differently or better. Feedback enables others to learn and progress, which will ultimately improve their performance in the future. It is well accepted that feedback directs behaviour and motivates performance at work - no matter how good or effective an individual is, they can always get better.

Guidelines for offering feedback

Consider the receiver’s readiness to hear your feedback. The primary reason for offering feedback should be to help yourself and others to grow. When this is not the motivation, feedback may be destructive. Feedback serves best when people seek it.
Encourage self-review. People are more willing to accept feedback when they have recognised their own strengths and weaknesses. Start by encouraging them to appraise themselves and then build on their own insights
Emphasise what you see and hear. Use “I” statements to own your feedback and make it descriptive rather than evaluative. Describe your observations without making judgements as to whether you regard the behaviour as good or bad. For example, "You interrupted me and that frustrates me because I get lost" is descriptive. "You were rude" is judgmental).
Outline the positive points. By making feedback constructive you will be helping them to find out what needs to be done rather than just telling them what they are not doing right. Always look for areas of improvement rather than concentrating on what went wrong.
Suggest what could be done differently. Make your feedback practical so that the person can try out a different behaviour and evaluate its outcome.
Timing - feedback carries more weight if it is offered soon after the observation. The recipient can then relate it to the specific situation and review the information more meaningfully. Also take time to deliver your feedback properly – do not rush it! The individual will then understand what you have said and can discuss it with you.
Avoid overload – prioritise and focus only on what is most important, offering just enough information for the other to digest. Overloading someone with large amounts of information may give instant relief to the sender, but is very difficult for the recipient to learn from.
Check that your feedback is understood. Actively listen to any response you receive and help the person to appreciate your perception.
Avoid offering negative feedback in public. A useful principle is to criticise in private and praise in public
Be open to receiving feedback yourself. Your actions may contribute to the other's behaviour.

These guidelines can be simplified and remembered as BOOST.

To ensure that your feedback motivates, make your feedback:

Balanced - Strengths and areas for development

Observed - Verbal and non-verbal

Objective - Avoid judgements and inferences

Specific - Provide examples to reinforce your feedback

Timely - As soon as possible after you have observed the behaviour

Offering negative feedback (avoiding the ‘but’ syndrome)

It is a common mistake to always combine motivational and developmental feedback in one conversation or "burst." When you have developmental feedback to offer someone, it is sometimes tempting to "soften them up" with a positive comment or two, then use the infamous "but".

As soon as the person hears the "but" everything said before that is immediately disregarded and the developmental feedback that follows feels like an emotional punch in the stomach. The next time that person starts to compliment you, you cringe waiting for the "but"!

Try these simple guidelines:

1. Do not always mix motivational with developmental feedback. If you are offering frequent motivational feedback and catching people in the act of doing things right, then developmental feedback will be equally well received.

2. Be direct when offering developmental feedback. "John, I'd like to talk to you about a concern I have with your timekeeping." Don’t waffle!

3. Try using the following five-part process:

I feel………………………………………… (describe your feelings)
when you ………………………………… (describe their behaviours)
because …………………………………… (describe the effect it has on you)

- How do you feel about that?

Now wait – silence at this point is vital - wait for them to respond

- What can we do to move forward?

4. Move to discussing alternative behaviours as quickly as possible to keep the discussion motivational.

5. If it is necessary to combine motivational and developmental feedback,link the two with the word and rather than but. This creates the impression that the developmental feedback is building on the positive things you have said, rather than negating them

So what about receiving feedback?

How should you respond when someone goes to the trouble of offering you help?

Listen to understand and be receptive
Seek clarification, if appropriate
Ask for examples of your behaviour if they are not offered. You can’t do anything to change it if you don’t know you are doing it!
Avoid reacting defensively or trying to justify your behaviour
Respect the other person's experience, particularly where feelings are involved
Think about the feedback and what, if anything you intend to do with it
Acknowledge and thank the person for the feedback.

The ability and willingness to offer and receive feedback, is a skill which requires conscious thought. The benefits to both parties however are significant. An open work environment which encourages such spontaneous feedback will lead to reduced tension, greater team-work and enhanced performance. By following the guidelines within this article, you will become a more assertive, professional and honest communicator – and effective communication leads to greater success!

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